2024 Mental Health Essay Contest Awardee: Silver
The Roots Affect the Fruit: A Personal Journey of Trauma to Triumph
Ciniyah, Illinois
In the 16th century, Dutch, French, Spanish, and Portuguese traders began acquiring larger populations of African individuals for American enslavement which became known as The Transatlantic Slave Trade. As this persisted, many enslaved people being packed onto these ships became fully aware of the dangers that lay ahead. Throughout these voyages, thousands of enslaved men and women would make the very difficult choice to end their lives, as on these ships rape, murder, and beatings were a consistent occurrence. While trying to escape a far worse fate of American enslavement, many enslaved people refused eating to starve themselves to death, leaped overboard to drown themselves, and some even gained possession of weapons to end their lives on their own terms. There existed some solace in the fact that their final act of rebellion directly resulted in a loss of profit for those who enslaved them.
As time continued, enslaved African Americans had to assimilate to the moral corruptions and injustices of White America. Plantation life was arduous. On plantations enslaved people were either tasked with working on the fields to create profit for their owners, cooking and cleaning property, or to raising "Massa's" offspring. Their work was often scrutinized and even the slightest mistake resulted in extremely harsh punishments: Whipping, murder, mutilation, imprisonment, or being sold away. As the strictness of tasks and the pleasure of giving punishment was prominent, many Black families were separated from one another; particularly Black men as their economic value and sustainability was viewed as high.
For generation after generation this was the lived experience of the vast majority of folks that looked like me. Our shared trauma literally lasted for generations. This generational trauma has negatively impacted not only the Black community, but the foundational structure of Black families. As enslaved men and women became accustomed to having to eventually leave their families, these broken habits and cruel punishments were subconsciously rooted within their psychology and passed down the family tree. In the United States, Black families make up the largest population of single-parent homes, 66%. Unfortunately, this has also been my experience as a family has fallen victim to this generational trauma.
On March 23, 2022 my entire life changed, this experience felt like a circus act. It was so unbelievable it had to be an act. An act similar to that one time I called the police on him, or the two times DCFS chose to get involved, oh and the many times my little sister and I were attacked by him that led to this unbelievable moment. It was finally showtime, as this circus opened its curtains for the finale I saw him hovering over my 98 pound little sister, screaming at the side of her face, violently shaking her, grabbing her, yelling at her, flipping her over, and punching her all over her back. Not only did I see it, but my camera saw it too as at the start of his show I began to immediately record, the police would have to believe us this time! But as this part of the act became much more terrifying, I tried to intervene, but when I did my camera went off. He pushed me face-down onto the air mattress, suffocating me and everything went black. My sister defended me by throwing objects at his head and trying to beat him down to help free me from his grasp. I proceeded to call the police and he finally stopped and stormed upstairs. That night, my sister, Mom, and I waited for the police to come, but they didn't show. So after a hot bath and some Epsom Salt, we all laid together praying the show was over. The next day, my Mom took us to the doctor and then to the Aurora Police Department. At APD, we would begin the process for an Order of Protection. I was absolutely mortified, because the last time I tried seeking help from an officer resulted in him shaming my sister and I, telling us to be grateful, swearing at us, and interrogating us for calling our Mom for help too. I promised myself that day that I would never call the police again. Yet here I was, I had broken that promise and was now at a police station filled with officers.
I feel like this experience and all its resulting trauma is a part of me, like it's etched itself into my bones. I know these experiences resulted in Post-traumatic stress disorder. I became extremely anxious when interacting or seeing police officers, I began slowly detaching myself from my friends during school, and I stopped remembering to do normal everyday things. The trauma continued as a few weeks went by, at age 14, I had to testify against my father in court. I was anxious and emotional the entire time, but I persisted and retold the event, answered questions, and saw not one glimpse of remorse within my father's eyes.
The following year, my good friend had recommended me to try a free summer program at Aurora Police Department's Law Enforcement Youth Academy. The thought of once again entering that police station three times every week was beyond frightening. I had only tragic stressful memories and traumatic hauntings living within that building. I discussed the program with my Mom and Grandma who said to give it a chance, seize the opportunity, learn new information, and to simply "do it afraid". These words of wisdom encouraged me to join the Youth Academy and I am eternally grateful for that experience. Those three months allowed me to interact with four amazing officers, meet new friends, participate in community service, learn about various public service careers, be voted into the vice president position, lead the graduation ceremony as the emcee, and establish a positive relationship with a special community leader, and also connect with a member of the Kane County State's Attorney's Office.
If I had not taken a chance despite my doubts, fears, and hesitations; I would have missed an awesome experience which opened many amazing doors for me. The following fall, I was invited to speak for Kane County State's Attorney, Jamie Mossier's, Prenative Approach Against Crime about what APD's program meant to me. As a part of a panel talk, I shared my experience and performed a rendition poetry piece titled Black Girl Magic. Many individuals in the audience congratulated me for my journey towards success and were interested in me applying for an internship within the Kane County State's Attorney's Office.
Through these experiences, I was able to get out of my comfort zone and create new positive memories despite previous negative ones. This process towards mental and emotional well-being did not happen overnight, it took time for me to process my trauma with officers. I still am taking time to fully process my trauma with my father. Honestly even after almost 2 years I still have occasional nightmares and anxiety about ever seeing him in-person again. I still am anxious whenever I participate on our speech team, when I act out another role, or perform a poetry piece, but I do it anyway, I do it afraid.
Here, reflecting on my traumatic experience is where I discovered the title to this essay; The Roots Affect The Fruit: A Personal Journey of Trauma to Triumph. Unfortunately, trauma is often a dark, and hidden part of children's lives. Children like my sister and I. Yes, my sister and I may live in a nice home and attend a good school in a good district, but we too experience trauma in a way that by just looking at us no one would know. To others who look like me, smile like me, laugh like me, while silently suffering like I had, I want you to know nothing lasts forever. Generational trauma is a poison handed down to Black families across the nation that we continue to sip from each day. I have made a conscious choice that this cursed cyclical trauma stops with me. We must all come to terms with our emotional and mental state, but you cannot allow a condition to hold you back from your own self growth, self love, and journey towards the peace and success you deserve.
NIH recognizes these talented essay winners for their thoughtfulness and creativity in addressing youth mental health. These essays are written in the students' own words, are unedited, and do not necessarily represent the views of NIH, HHS, or the federal government.
Page published May 31, 2024
